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CruiserCustomizing.com - Newsletter #071
A NEW TYPE OF MOTORCYCLE?
Cruiser Customizing part time staffer Wilhelm “Meatgrinder” Hamburger spotted an unusual motorcycle parked at a nondescript motel along a Bay Area backroad last week. Thinking that the design of the ride roughly resembled his own VTX 1800C, he throttled down to the parking lot to have a closer look. Meatgrinder notes, “There it sat between an old Volkswagen microbus painted with flowers and an orange Chevy El Camino with a lawnmower and beer can empties in the back. The bike was camouflaged, in fact it was painted camouflage, so that’s a no-brainer. Other than a few mysterious factory designations spray painted on the fender, the brute was shorn of any and all insignias. The finned V-twin motor was massive, the meaty rear tire was as big as a pick-up’s and it had a strange set of controls, gauges and on-board computers that I could not fathom. This bike was out of the Twilight Zone, a gorgeous two-wheeled Hummer and all I could think was ‘Man! Do I want to ride this!’
“Anyway, I heard loud music coming from a nearby room. It was Tom Petty on the CD singing ‘Free Falling”, so I figured that was the right door to bang on. Was I surprised when none other than the legendary L.A. bike tester-guru Umberto ‘Crazy Horse’ de la Raza poked out his head. Apparently Umbie, as he is known among the inner circles, was in a mood to talk since he had been kickin’ back sudso, so I figured it was a good time to prime him for facts. Umbie mumbled that he had just ridden the beast up the I-5 from La La Land, and was on his way to test the bike in the mountains and valleys of the Gold Country Sierra. He said, the bike, code-named ‘Armageddon’ is a new model from across the puddle that will be likely be released this summer as a 2006 ½ model. Umbie mentioned that this soon-to-enter-production Armageddon sports a 2600cc V-twin mill that is actually lighter than the 1300 VTX two-banger due to new developments in alloy aluminum. There are three triple-point spark plugs per cylinder head in order to assure full across-the-chamber combustion, with an highly oversquare piston ratio that gives the exhaust note a resonance similar to a middle East battlefield. To meet legal requirements, the factory has had to regulate the brake horsepower down to 180, but the rev limiters can easily be chucked and exchanged for a chip that’ll propel Armageddon’s output to the 210+ hp range. Top speed is just shy of 200 mph, and it encounters no speed wobble due to a reverse gyroscopic onboard lean sensor.
“Umbie let out that the bike’s coolest asset is its electronic anti-wheely messaging system that keeps the front wheel exactly five inches above the asphalt during spirited acceleration, no matter how throttle-happy the rider. The rear wheel was chrome-spoked and sported an all-black 330 rear tire that has a new patented tread design. This so-called “Juggernaut tread” keeps the bike grounded and secure in almost any handling situation, making the Armageddon a cruiser that sport riders can use for a day of knee scraping at the track. There is even a full surround air bag deployment system which literally keeps the rider and passengers off the ground in case of a spill, holding them aloft like a stationary parachute. Not just a cruiser and sport bike in one, it is also a family vehicle that can legally accommodate up to two passengers in the USA (due to its length), or three in most European countries. This added passenger system has been implemented via an ingenious set of extra gel seats hidden in the titanium rear fender. Thus the bike is the first to be awarded the coveted ‘Family Sport Cruiser’ designation, and may be dubbed the FSC 1.
“Umberto gave me a guilty look like he had spilled too many beans about this magnificent motorcycle, and then swore me to secrecy, noting that ‘he does have a long record and is not afraid of anybody.’ He was talking so much, I hated to interrupt him, so I blurted out, ‘Umbie, who is manufacturing this monster?’ Just then a curvaceous blonde holding a tall bottle of California merlot ambled up and Umbie excused himself with the words, Sorry, Dude, the cleaning lady’s here.’ Then he disappeared into the room and closed the curtains.”
Meatgrinder said that he got some film shots of the beast after Umbie disappeared, and he’ll make these photos available at www.CruiserCustomizing.com in a couple of days. He also mentioned that he heard there will be a new category of racing implemented at the major league race circuits for the Family Sport Cruiser class of beast and that we should keep our eyes peeled for stunning reviews of its overall design in the next issues of the major national bike rags. Meatgrinder even challenged Umbie to race the Armageddon FSC 1 against his VTX on the Speedvision show Pinks. Umbie scowled and said, “Bike testing is my sacred duty, Man. This babe is not mine to play with. But I’ll race you any day you want to lose your wheels to my personal ride.”
About all of this, there’ll be more to follow, no doubt, as things develop…
2. Spring Sale:
April is here and for many of us, that means, “It’s the start of the riding season! Yippee!” To help kick start the coming bright weather offered by spring and summer, Cruiser Customizing is having a “Spring Sales Event.” Be sure to check your wish lists, and then take a look at all the special offers from Cruiser Customizing during this sale.
Hurry, Sale ends 4/2/06.
See all new products.
CruiserCustomizing.com - Newsletter #103
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